Recoil

Two guns and they both go off.

And yours is without ammunition,

only loaded with a bullet of my imagination,

that I know I put there myself.

And yet,

as you take your one shot,

that my own mind had designed

while I was blinded,

I still feel as though

you are going to hurt me.

So unknown to you my guard is up

and my arms are up,

shoulders down,

gun locked and loaded and,

I'm going to hurt you so fucking badly

for not knowing that your fault

is the way I feel.

But my unconcious thoughts

in every concious hour

are so willingly raped by

your eyes

your voice

your big strong hands

which I understand

could both shield me and crush me

in the very same touch.

And at the very last second

you seep into my mind with an energy so dangerous

I lose control of the whole power of this destructive weapon

that I so desperately wield.

So when I point and shoot at you,

the gun recoils,

and now I'm hurting myself too.

---

originally written 27th June 2016