Intercostal Void

Everything is wrong

I am wrong

I am 20 years too late for life

Somewhere between waking and breathing I get lost

My pen moves in slow motion

And my glassy eyes block my hearing

I have a million thoughts race through my mind in the time it takes to swing my legs

down from the bed and slot my feet into my slippers

slot in the space between my big toe and the one next to it

They are so exhausting

I can feel my heart through the bones in my ches but it's not beating

It's dragging, it's sloshing around at the bottom of my chest cavity

threatening to slide down into my stomach

My stomach itself is a dark pit of eels

A sweltering swamp sitting stagnant for 20 years

It's vibrating at the lowest frequency

Stand behind me

Hold out your arm

Slide your hand into the gap between my 4th and 5th ribs

Wrap your fingers around my heart and grab hold of it

Crush it, and stop it from moving

I want to feel something

---

originally written September 2017