I want what I don't want and I don't want what I want

I want you to want me, but

don't let it be known.

(gross)

I want you to leave me alone, and

notice when I withdraw, and

ask me why, but

don't expect an answer that makes sense

(pay attention to me)

I want you to crave me, but

be too scared, or proud, to show it

I want you to go out of your way to grab my attention, but

don't give up if, and when, I ignore you

(leave me alone)

I want you to dream of holding me, but

I don't want you to kiss me

(cringe)

and I don't want sex

(eww)

and I want you to not ask me why.

Is that alright with you?

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originally written 4th June 2020