I Want (part 2)

I want to stay all day in bed

eating gone off bread

until I am sick

Until the very fabric

of my being begins to fray at the edges

Until my stomach lining develps holes

and my intestines dissolve

and I am clawing at my throat

with a desperation so violent that it splits at the seam

Then I can expel every shitty feeling

frothing up inside my gut.

Only then can I start again.

---

originally written late 2017