I Want

I want to stand too close to

the edge of the road with my toes

hanging over the pavement

and scare drivers into thinking.

I am about to jump in front of them

I want this pidgeon currently parading itself

in front of Hammersmith Station

to fly up and shit on the head of the man

walking towards me

I want to shut my eyes just before he reacts

I want the girl who my friend introduced me to

to realise how entirely boring she is to me -

boring to the point of disgust -

and to tell me she feels the same way

about me

I want you to allow me to feel this moment

so painfully deeply, right to my very core

Allow me to pound my fist against

the weakest point of my breastbone

without being concerned for my

mental state of mind

I want you to know who and what you are dealing with

to see that I am broken and not pretend there is anything you can do about that

I want you to treat my brokenness as the norm

---

originally written October 2017